Bit of Britain's Next Top Rider

If you follow eventing publications at all this probably appeared in front of you at some point the last couple weeks

So at first blush I realize that there are a couple of things that look like they might preclude me from winning this sponsorship. But you know what? I crafted an entry anyway. Because I was bored and was in the process of switching jobs and I like the idea of free stuff and someone supporting my crazy hobby besides my employer who does it without knowing what they're doing.

Criteria #1: Age 25 or younger
Guys, age is just a number. I'm 25 ish, and really just if we're splitting hairs. Who has time for that? Bit of Britain's Next Top Rider certainly doesn't. And neither does Bit of Britain. Alternatively, I have the maturity of an under twenty five year old for sure. Or, we can go with my trainer totally thought I was 25 the other day and I had to break it to her that no, I become old next year. I have very few wrinkles. I moisturize.

Criteria #2: Competing at training level or above
This one I have to be a little more creative with, as I have an entire blog dedicated to Runkle and me basically jumping cross rails. Cross rails are totally legitimate, at every level. I saw people jumping them in the warm up for Badminton. Badminton, I tell you. If it's good enough for them it's good enough for me!

omg, such jump, much wow

A little artistic license may be necessary.

Criteria #3: Active on social media
If I haven't won them over by now this will definitely push them over the edge. First of all, I have this amazing blog that has at least ten followers and most definitely is not the start of a horse pornography ring.

Also, I have an Instagram for which I have almost as many followers as I do followee's. I post many horsey relevant items including but not limited to: slo mo videos of people jumping huge jumps, crappy pictures of my friends out on cross country, photos of runkle standing in the cross ties, and selfies I take when I'm bored jump judging.

There are definitely NO Pokemon Go screenshots


OMG THE PRECIOUS!! Legitimately excited I came to work today! by @kieshorse

Or unrelated daily snapshots I feel the need to share with the world


#hisandhers #cement #forever #philly by @kieshorse
Or cat pictures.


Cats are assholes #catsofinstagram #southstreet by @kieshorse
Definitely no cat pictures.


Poe vs #amazon box #poethecat #tripodkitty #badcat by @kieshorse
Criteria #4: Currently have no major sponsorships
Hopefully at this point I am first in line for all the special shimmable pads, no rub bellboots and pretty leather goods that Bit of Britain has to offer. Also maybe some new studs. Did you know if you leave studs in Stud Suds for a year it will just turn the stud into jelly? Don't ask me how I know.

Unfortunately I think I do technically have a sponsor. A pair of them. And I was afraid to admit it because I didn't want to be judged but you know what? I think they deserve credit.

My parents.

Aren't they adorable <33

I dont know why they are still okay helping with the horse thing but I'm sure as shit not going to question them about it now. The last thing I need is for them to realize I'm a grown ass woman who don't need no man. But the truth is they've supported me since day one of this obsession, to the point where the severity of it might actually be partially their fault. So I guess they're just taking responsibility for their actions. Or something.

Criteria #5: Goals for 2017
I haven't thought a lot about my goals for next year. Baby horses tend to dictate their own time frame. Far be it from me to try and impose anything on it, despite being desperate to run cross country again and feel that delightful nauseous feeling of competition.

Assuming I keep all ten fingers in one piece, and Runkle doesn't pull too much of a Runkle, I'd love to move up to Novice by the end of next year. And do one recognized event at any level. There, Runkle, those are my plans. Let's shit all over them now. Hm, I probably shouldn't curse in my official application. We'll leave that to the editors.

#goals

Recent results include:

• 2nd place, Intro Test B at Bit O Woods, Nov 2015. No one needs to know it was out of 2...
• 1st place, Beginner Novice Test B at Bit O Woods, July 2016. And I definitely did not fall off for the jumping phase.
• 1st place, Starter Combined Test at Flora Lea, July 2016. Despite my error.
• E, Starter Horse Trial at Flora Lea, August 2016. That pretty much speaks for itself.

Criteria #6: Why I'm the Best Choice*
I am a trendsetter. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how I hate running and now I have several friends who are running and hate it too. Also one time I pulled my horse's mane and my friend did hers as well.

I try to take really good care of my tack, so even if I have an error in my dressage test because I forgot to halt at X I'm still going to look damn good doing it.

The biggest reason though (and I don't like using this term, as I prefer the name Professional Unprofessional) is because I'm an amateur. Amateurs are your key demographic. We don't need to convince our parents to buy us things. I am my OWN parent. Which is extremely obvious if you walk in my apartment and see what an unholy mess it is (and that it probably smells like a litter box). But that means no one stops me from buying horsie things except me and my creditors, who keep increasing my limits anyway. Hm, maybe I should list Capital One as a sponsor as well...

So there you have it. Clearly I'm Bit of Britain's Next Top Rider

BoB, if you want to just leave a comment on this entry with your contact information I will email you my mailing address for you to send the leather goods. He wears horse size everything in Nunn Finer and a 75" blanket.

*I'm probably not the best choice, but it's part of the application so bear with me.