Das Boots

I need new tall boots, a little urgently. We suffered our first blowout mere days after Christmas, which might be the worst timing because had I known I was going to suffer a boot-splosion I would've asked Santa for new ones for Christmas.

WHAT WHY TALL BOOTS NOT NOW???? by @kieshorse

Somehow I lucked out with a girlfriend who not only has the skillz to fix my falling apart boots but actually seems to want to do it. I don't want her to figure out she could be doing better things than fixing my boots. No one tell her. (Stop reading this)

This poor girl.

But she can only patch them so many times, and I'm (more than) a little annoyed because I've had them just over a year and daily riding of one horse has destroyed them.

Now we're here, shopping for tall boots, yet again. This is not my first rodeo.

My very first pair of tall boots were Ariat and they were pull-ons, purchased in the dark ages when I'm pretty sure Ariat just made 'field boots' and there weren't different kinds. I loved those, because they were a bitch and a half to break in and were so tight on hot days that they cut off the circulation to my feet.

Wait, did I say love?

I hit puberty and they didn't fit anymore, and I wasn't competing so I no longer cared for or needed tall boots. Then a week before my first event I bought Mountain Horse boots after struggling through every pair Dover had in stock. They were too tall but they fit around my calf so I accepted my fate.

The problem with the 'wider' fit boots is they assume your leg is wide all the way down. They bunched around my ankle and gave me horrible bruises, while also simultaneously resulting in my foot not even touching the bottom of my boot unless I shoved my heels down past the point of no return.

I competed up through Training in those, and then desperately needed new ones as my dressage was actually being affected by the fit. I tried on every pair in the local tack store and ended up with a set of Tuffriders. At least they taper delightfully in the ankle! And they were such nice soft leather they were totally pain free.

However to get the calf to fit I had to go up a shoe size. But that was okay, the tack store just gave me some inserts so that my feet weren't waggling around in all the extra real estate they had. And they were somehow too short on my already very short legs.

They're so short it's all I can see.

If you have hung out with me for any length of time in person you know that I am an unholy klutz, and wearing boots a size too big (inserts or no) became a serious health hazard to the point where I only put the boots on right before I got on the horse.

From my favorite movie

Sooooo back to shopping. Again. Do you know how it feels to see even the extra EXTRA wide boots only fit up to 15 3/4" calf??? It hurts my calves feelings!! Look now, you've made them cry.

By some miracle of miracles, for about six months Ovation made tall boots that fit me. So I bought a pair. It was a glorious year, you guys. Oh and they were brown too. I love them. I have ridden in them until they literally fell apart. And now they are lost to time and history and mine can no longer be cobbled together.

So we're shopping again. I feel like I have even less options. My fat leg (lookin' at you, Righty) measures a little over 16" around. They're a little over 16" from floor to crook of knee. And I wear a size 8 shoe. Apparently recipe for an abomination. I'm considering offering a cash reward to whoever finds me boots that fit.

On your marks, get set, go.