#pinkygate, one year (and one week, and one day) later

I fell off Runkle on April 10th, and it changed my life.

I've gotten to do a lot of amazing things. I worked in London for six months, I've gotten to compete all over the East coast, I went to a really nice college and studied whatever my heart desired. I've had all the opportunities. But the most influential thing that's happened to me in recent memory is that fall.

I was in a different place this time last year, and it wasn't a great place. It was made worse by breaking the most useless digit that required surgery, and rehab, and and and...

And I couldn't ride.

My first ride back.

But in the time I was grounded, and I was so miserable I could barely bring myself to go to the barn to see my horse, I learned a lot about my life as it was and realized that I hated it. I realized I needed to make a huge change, and I grappled with what that would be. I clearly couldn't balance riding and work (and the amount of studying that came with work) so in loyalty to my job and knowing I couldn't afford a horse without it I considered selling Runkle.

But I was so miserable. I hated my job and the life it created for me, so why the hell was I considering getting rid of the only thing that makes me happy to try and make it work? That idea went into the circular file (garbage) and I worked on fixing the part that didn't make me happy.

After a few months of strategic planning and help from people who believed in me I got a new job that is a significantly better fit. Since then I've made several deliberate changes that have landed me here, where I am now, which is genuine happiness and optimism in the future.

Besides the changes in my own non-horse life, the time off also helped Runkle. I took things very slowly with him but I still had to constantly balance the risk of rushing him. It's hard when horses are good and try hard, it's an easy thing to take advantage of as a rider or trainer. But between #pinkygate and Splintzilla we were forced to take the better part of five months off last year and in that time Runkle got to develop.

I personally think he's gotten taller, he's sorting out his bitchy teenager phase, and he's handling himself better in tense situations. Basically he's maturing. That's not time he would've gotten without our little incidents.

The moral of the story is, sometimes life is gonna be a piece of shit to you. But it's okay, because it might have a good reason. That's not the time to give up, it's the time to take advantage.