What Kind of Horsewoman Do I Want to Be?
Lately, I'm considering what kind of horsewoman I want to be.
For the first time in my life I'm not leasing, or training someone else's horse, or part of a rigorous lesson program. I don't have an agenda or goals. I have a sweet, sound, talented gelding who could go in just about any direction and enough tools to get us there (or at the very least not get us killed along the way).
It's a liberating feeling, not having competitive goals. I was so focused on them for so long I missed all the things I was accomplishing, for want of beating myself up over the things I wasn't. The more I pondered it, the more I realized my goal was simply to be a better horsewoman.
The people I admire have more in common than they don't. Ingrid Klimke, Tik Maynard, Elisa Wallace, Lauren Allport, Amy Bowers. They all compete, and they all have this relationship with the horses. They take steps back when the horse needs it. Work is varied and progress happens over time. The horses are allowed to be horses. Each person has grown in the time I've been following them (well, except Ingrid. She's in a different class. Of everything). They're still growing.
I'm not happy with the relationship Spicy and I have right now. I still can't catch him (but anyone else can). He's still frustratingly spooky and distracted both in and out of the tack. I can't put together when exactly our relationship fractured but I want to fix it. I don't want to be a worry to him.
I laid awake last night thinking about how we got to the point where my horse was scared of me. Where I came to mean Work and Bad Things and not interest and adventure. Was it our first fight to load onto the trailer? Was it our argument about crossing water? Am I allowing myself to be too frustrated and not patient enough?
Was it a combination of everything?
I know horses aren't people, but I can't help but feel like I should apologize to him and try and start over. I want to promise him to be better, more patient, and to care for him in the ways he needs, not the ways I think I want. Because horses are better than we are worthy of, I know he'll forgive me. I'm going to do my best to deserve that.
For the first time in my life I'm not leasing, or training someone else's horse, or part of a rigorous lesson program. I don't have an agenda or goals. I have a sweet, sound, talented gelding who could go in just about any direction and enough tools to get us there (or at the very least not get us killed along the way).
It's a liberating feeling, not having competitive goals. I was so focused on them for so long I missed all the things I was accomplishing, for want of beating myself up over the things I wasn't. The more I pondered it, the more I realized my goal was simply to be a better horsewoman.
The people I admire have more in common than they don't. Ingrid Klimke, Tik Maynard, Elisa Wallace, Lauren Allport, Amy Bowers. They all compete, and they all have this relationship with the horses. They take steps back when the horse needs it. Work is varied and progress happens over time. The horses are allowed to be horses. Each person has grown in the time I've been following them (well, except Ingrid. She's in a different class. Of everything). They're still growing.
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| At our last field trip. Not shown: me chasing the peacocks off the ramp. |
I laid awake last night thinking about how we got to the point where my horse was scared of me. Where I came to mean Work and Bad Things and not interest and adventure. Was it our first fight to load onto the trailer? Was it our argument about crossing water? Am I allowing myself to be too frustrated and not patient enough?
Was it a combination of everything?
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| I love my pom pom so much |
aw i definitely know that feeling. relationship building is so hard and it can feel impossible to not take some of that stuff personally ugh, esp when we *do* sometimes have to be the disciplinarian.... good luck with figuring out the right way to rebuild that bridge with Spicy!!
ReplyDeleteit's funny tho, this reminds me a little bit of a post you wrote ages and ages ago about how it would really be the day when you finally pick up the stick 'n string natural horsemanship bc of Runkle haha. but hey, ya never know what will work! Elisa Wallace's latest video about picking up the ride on her dad's 1*/Prelim horse was really interesting tho if you haven't already watched that.
I think about that post all the time actually.... I was like oh god THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE MOMENT I WAS AFRAID OF.
DeleteI've been meaning to watch that so I'll definitely bump it up to the front of my list <3
figured i'd post the link in case anyone else was interested too. this is clearly a trained horse, and yet Elisa is starting with the same way she starts her wild mustangs and OTTBs straight off the track - just simple low key exercises establishing open lines of communication
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rt5x3c7j1I
I felt the same way with my horse until I took a step back, pulled out of a training program, and started clicker training. Now she walks up to me in pasture (its to icy for much else) and is always happy and interested in working with me. We've taken a huge step back and I'm basically restarting her using positive reinforcement only. We have so much fun now! Maybe that is worth a try?
ReplyDeleteclicker training is most definitely on the agenda! I taught my first horse a bunch of tricks with the clicker and he loved it!
DeleteRelationship building is so important, but so freaking hard. Especially for people like me who are kinda impatient. I remember with Pig he had this bout of lameness where I had to transition him to barefoot. It required hour long walks on pavement every day, by hand. And I was unemployed. That time really cemented us as a pair. It's crazy what happens to bind us to our creatures.
ReplyDeleteit's funny you say that about the hand walking, because I spent a LOT of time hand walking both indy and runkle (because they were so injury prone). And I did hand walk spicy when he hurt his knee when I first got him but not since then...
DeleteReally good post Megan, with tons of things to ponder. I have no doubt you'll find a way to build back up a good relationship with Spicy!
ReplyDeleteThanks for saying some of the things I’ve been thinking (hello, fellow person who’s horse only can’t be caught by them) and for making me think about some new things (and some of the things I’ve been seeing negatively as positive). I took mine to a Tik Maynard clinic and it’s really improved our prep work on the ground, which has then really improved riding, but there’s definitely still something missing. I hope you find something that works for you and Spicey!
ReplyDeleteMan, that's tough. I'm sorry you're going through that. Earlier in the summer (pre injury diagnosis), P and I went through a rough patch. We'd just been eliminated at baby XC jumps 2 weekends in a row- I was at my wit's end and really let my intense dislike for my horse be known to him. For a few days he didn't meet me at the gate (not nearly as bad as not letting me catch him, but very unlike P) and I realized I had messed up.
ReplyDeleteTrainer B has really taught me the importance of ground work and sessions like the one Emma posted above to improve the horse/rider relationship all around. Though I think he'd probably rather we do a little *less* dress-up in inflatable costumes/pulling dogs in wagons, etc., I truly believe doing silly things like that is what keeps P and I bonded. After my mess up, when P clearly let me know he didn't want to be around me, I just hung out with him- I'd take my book and read in his pasture, or I'd just play with him in the round pen, or I'd do nothing but show up at the barn to give him a few freeze pops (his fav), some pats, and leave.
You have the right mindset and I believe you're a wonderful horsewoman- I know you and S will be on the right track in no time.
Since my mare spooked at the barn owners dog (really, really bad dog for "helping") and then wiped out in front of me in turnout, we've been doing lots of handwalking and hand grazing while she gets past the brusing on her hip and butt, I'd like to think our connection is even better now.
ReplyDeleteAs for the catching, some days I can catch her, most I can't. But she nickers at me and paws at the door when she's in her stall and I walk up, go figure. I try to not to take it personally when I can't catch her (and I've owned her for 10 years) and remember the good moments.
I tend to do a lot of grooming, handwalking and grazing, and easy positive reinforcement to deepen my partnership with the horses I've had. It's so much easier now that I live close enough to go to the barn everyday, less pressure for actual rides to happen.
ReplyDeleteJust catching up. I can so relate to this post. It’s not easy to take a step back and look at what we’re doing but it’s so critical for growth.
ReplyDelete