Without Runkle

I believe in making wishes. At first I think it was born of superstition, but as I got older I realized I strongly believed in putting my intent out into the world with my heart. Wishing is an acknowledgement of your dreams.


As long as I can remember I always wished for a horse. Every dried out wishbone carefully saved from Thanksgiving, fields that I combed for that elusive four leaf clover, and most of all stars. I wished on every shooting star I ever saw for a horse, from when I was about eight until... well, I never really stopped.

I remember the day I brought Runkle home after buying him. It's not too often you see any stars at all in New Jersey, but as I was leaving the barn with him tucked snug into his new stall I saw a shooting star and I stared at it because I had my wish. Runkle was my dream come true.


Last Wednesday morning was beautiful and sunny. I could live the rest of my life in that morning; in fact sometimes it's hard not to. In that moment I still had Runkle, and I had all our dreams for our future. I had my hopes for the weekend, and I was still riding the high of navigating my baby horse through his first beginner novice a few days before. I was warm, happy, safe. In love and loved. I had everything. Someone threw a rock through my beautiful stained glass day and on the other side of the broken shards was the real world.

Last week Runkle suffered a catastrophic injury to his stifle. I'll never know how he did it but despite all my best efforts (and those of his vets) there was no way he would ever recover comfortably. I made the right decision and let him go.


My whole life changed in the span of a few days. He was my world; everything I did revolved around him. Runkle is gone, irretrievably, and now I have to grapple with what 'moving on' means. It feels terrible. I feel terrible I want to move on to feeling better as quickly as possible but the only way out is through. Every day is sometimes a little better, sometimes a little worse, but I keep reminding myself that the way out is through.

I'm not sure what exactly is next. The future will most certainly involve blogging but for now this chapter of my life needs to be closed so I can move on. I'll see you soon. Remember everything (both good and bad) is only temporary, so hug your ponies close. Cherish them. They make the world and our lives more beautiful.


Comments

  1. Ugly crying for you all over again Megan. Words are useless but you have been in my thoughts constantly. 💜💔

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my goodness Megan, I am so, so very sorry to read this :(
    Offering LOTS of internet ((hugs)), I'm thinking about you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been there and know that no words will help, but we're all here for ya. Sending you lots of love and cyber hugs. 💜

    ReplyDelete
  4. He's in very good company.

    As are you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so very sorry. Sending you love and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh heavens Megan, I am so very sorry. I'm thinking of you and praying you find comfort soon. <3

    ReplyDelete
  7. ::drying tears at work::
    I am so sorry Megan....there are no words that can comfort that kind of heartache. Sending out comforting, heart healing vibes ♡

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am crying and my heart is breaking for you. Sending a million hugs. I'm so sorry. <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. My heart is breaking for you. I am so very sorry. Sending you so many hugs. :(

    Rest in Peace, Runkle.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So incredibly heart breaking to hear. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm so very sorry. Hardest thing in the world. Sending hugs and warm wishes.
    The blogosphere is here for you when you're ready for us. Most of us have been there at some point. Here if you want to chat.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Runkle was a stunning and talented horse, and you made such a pair. There was so much good and love between the two of you, and that's something that you can hold on to and cherish forever.

    Love you, girl. Always here for you. Reach out if you need to talk. <3

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so incredibly sorry, this is devastating.Take all the time you need and cry all the tears you need to. He'll always live in your heart and always be in your thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I've been there all too often and it never, ever gets easier, but time does help. Take each breath for what it is - a gift. Many hugs to you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so sorry for you loss. Losing a horse, death or otherwise, is devastating. You lose a part of your soul. I don't think Runkle would hold a grudge for you needing to move on to heal. He understands you. All he needs is for you to remember the good times between you two. All the internet hugs you need.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I know we already talked on messenger but just wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking of you every day. <3

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh no! I'm so sorry. I've loved following your adventures. Thinking of you :(

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh no!! I am so so sorry. That's just devastating. I've been through this and I won't say it gets easier, but time will help the pain fade.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm speechless and heartbroken. You two deserved more time together and I'm just so very sorry it happened like this. Keeping you both in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  20. RIP Runckle
    I am very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  21. oh no oh no oh no. Sorry so late catching up on your blog i saw the title and was like what is this? then i read it..OMG I am so so so sorry! I have only been reading about you all for a bit but I saw the teamwork building. I just dont know what else to say. Hugs to you and everyone involved. UGH....

    ReplyDelete
  22. So sorry to hear this… sending you comforting hugs and strength…

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am so sorry for your loss, especially with it being so sudden and unexpected. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am just gutted for you. I think we all know about the wishing and hoping for a horse... so my heart breaks that your dream ended far too soon. Sending a hug and warmest thoughts to you. Take all the time you need to grieve, too. He'll forever be YOUR HORSE.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Heartbreaking... so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I love comments so much, it makes me want to give you a BIG hug.

Popular Posts