Stupid Expensive Stuff

Obvious statement: horses are a lot of money.

What most people think that means is: horses are expensive to procure. I mention free horses, everyone gets bewildered. It's not getting the horse that's the issue, it's the upkeep; what with the hay buying and shoe having and grain feeding and pooping that comes with them.

The truth: the second you slap a label that says 'its for horses' the price triples for no reason.

Some things are worth the money. I'll drop a pretty penny for a new saddle. Most people (non horse people, and maybe even some horse people) would say that's insane. And it got me wondering... what horse things would be so expensive that even I would balk at them? What's being marketed out there that's so pricey, so luxurious that no one, save the wealthiest of horse owners, would even bother?


Pricey stirrups aren't exactly a new thing. You can drop $150 on MDC's or even more on Lorenzini's, the latter of which may or may not chip paint after a few uses. Or you can buy Elite Stirrups. That's how you know they're fancy and expensive. They're elite.

These bad boys will run you over $300 and that doesn't even include shipping. But look at them. They're obviously magical and shaped for maximum jumping ahead and minimum dragging/stirrup losing. Daringly crafted from airplane grade titanium and hand polished you'll be riding in the foot bed of luxury. Totally customizable right down to the little grippy nubbins that lovingly cradle the nooks of your riding boot soles.

I don't get it. Call me if these stirrups don't hurt when they bash you in the shins when you lug your saddle around and forget to roll them up.



I saw a review for this on Jumper Nation and since I live my life in a Micklem of course I read it because I love* ergonomic bridles. I'd even give the dreadful Stubben Freedom bridle a shot. I am all about horse comfort.

The Tota's are kinda hideous but what ergonomic bridle isn't technologically advanced with a dash of ugly? Hint: all of them. I've done the legwork. But I've never paid $600 for the pleasure!! My jaw hit the ground when I saw the price so casually dropped. And that's not even the most expensive one; the double bridle will relieve you of a cool $700. At least it comes with reins? The Micklem burns my eyes but not my bank account.

*love is a relative word.

Custom Samshield Helmet

 I spent $40 for my new helmet on Helmet Awareness Day. It's an Ovation schooler. Light, safe, cheap, and a removable liner that I can throw out/bleach when it starts to stink. I am not big on spending a lot of money on helmets. Helmets should absolutely be safe, but they should also be disposable. You should throw your helmet out after one fall. ONE. Even if you just think you banged your head and casually dusted the dirt off it. You should throw your helmet out every three to five years if you are fortunate enough not to bullseye into the ground or bash your head on a jump.

So why in the name of Michael Jung would I spend over ONE THOUSAND dollars on this (even if it is pretty):


Like, really pretty. I may have had way too much fun on the configurator. Pro tip: if it has a configurator, it's too expensive.

If I drop a grand on a helmet I'm not going to replace it after one fall. I'll wear it until I'm in a full care facility, severely brain damaged from too many concussions. I'll probably still be wearing the helmet. Buy expensive gloves or deerskin full seat breeches or something less important.

So what's the most outrageously expensive piece of horse goodness you've ever seen? I'm dying to know if there's a $500 crop or Swarovski encrusted muck tub out there somewhere.

Comments

  1. I'm crying ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I still think the 3 figure Hermes crop I saw was the most WTF expensive horse item that had me scratching my head (relatively speaking I mean) -- I can get a crop for like, $10??

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    1. or free, if you're observant enough in arena dirt hahahah

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  2. Haha I love those stirrups but I feel like they would look... inadequate? for me. ;-) Don't need those problems. Also can't afford them.

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    1. hm thats a good point. but they're aircraft grade aluminum so you'd probably (?) be fine.

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  3. I played with the Samshield configurator a lot also, and was SO relieved when that helmet was one of the worst fitting (for me).

    Here is a PLAIN NAVY sweatshirt (equestrian, naturally) for $540: https://www.equlifestyleboutique.com/collections/cavalleria-toscana-fw17/products/cavalleria-toscana-en-garde-sweatshirt-fw17?variant=53845934677

    I'll stick with my Target sweatshirts.

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    1. oh my god... that's really some next level shit right there.

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  4. Emma put it really well one time we were hanging out. Horses can easily fit into ANY budget. As expensive or inexpensively as you want you can procure them, outfit them and keep them lol

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    1. hah yeah, i'll keep bulk ordering bell boots off amazon :P

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  5. This is amazing! I had someone try to tell me that the more expensive the helmet, the better it protects your head... despite the fact that they're all passing the same safety rating. With the advice giver's perchance for becoming a lawn dart... I felt really ok sticking with the Tipperary Sportage that I knew breathed well enough that I wasn't going to pass out from heat and fall off my damn horse.

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  6. I used to really want an Antares helmet until I found out the base price was $900 ..... Lol .... I also saw guarantees I thought were cool but they were like 250 so nahhh. There is also a lot of human apparel I would love but would spend it on my horse first lol

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  7. Anything and everything Hermes.
    Like, it's no secret I have champagne taste and tap water budget, but even I make attempts to be reasonable..ish.

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    1. hah champagne taste and a tap water budget

      i feel like that's the story of my life.

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  8. Ha! I now feel like Scrooge "darkness was cheap and Scrooge liked it".

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  9. Ugh. Those prices and items are simply exorbitant! I'm pragmatic as hell about my purchases for the horses. I keep them comfortable etc. but I'm much more likely to drop $$$ on their health and experiences vs. tack unless its needed/our activities prove spending the money will be worth it.

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  10. I splurged on the weymouth for my double bridle. It was well worth the splurge, and so useful. Though, if there'd been anything like it cheaper, I'd have bought that in a minute!

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  11. but those stirrups are purple. COME ON :) HA that makes them worth more. I think some of the stuff is crazy. I spent 150 on my one k on tack of the day (with sunglasses as well), i spent 150 on my Eponia bridle. I will spent a chunk of change on a saddle one day Lord Willing but otherwise. Yeah if it is over 200 I probably am not buying it. Boots were 199 (Ariat) coats were under 100 each. I buy most of my other stuff used so yeah not spending a fortune. And who spends that for a bridle so ugly?? I sure wouldnt spend it on one that gave my horse a damn unicorn horn (Well maybe i would) HA!

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  12. Equlifestyle Boutique was just pimping some gold spurs on instagram, and I was thinking I wouldn't mind a pair of shiny gold spurs for my brown boots. Um, yeah, then I saw the price tag. Almost $500! For gold PLATED! Lolz. Nope. I found a lovely shiny gold pair that was like $20 on ebay.

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  13. Ah yes, the eternal question I'm asked: if you love them so much, why don't you have a horse? I always respond, I've been offered free ones. Problem ain't the buying, it's the KEEPING. And sure, I could stick it in a field somewhere and throw hay once a week and then yah, it would be pretty cheap indeed. Unfortunately I happen to like arenas (covered ones even more) and trainers and jumps and shows and mostly somebody else to muck and grain twice a day. So, the budget grows exponentially. That's not including if God forbid Horsie needs shoes or gets a boo-boo or breaks altogether. Sigh. I just know waaaay too much... I really wish I could go back to being the little kid who thought a horse would fit nicely in our backyard and go in the garage if it rained. :) Anyway, regarding horse gear: yes, call it used by a horse or rider and BOOM, 300% more. The helmet thing in particular makes me CRAZY. I'm sure there are people who think Samshields protect your head better than Troxels. They're the same ones who buy anything that costs more because it must be better. I remember reading Kaley Cuoco's Swarovski-encrusted custom Samshield was around $1500. She bought that purely because she CAN and well, she's an actress, so she gets a pass. I personally was relieved to look absolutely RIDICULOUS in a GPA when they were all the rage because they weren't, and never will be, in the budget. I agree with your philosophy - spend money where it really counts, like on a decent barn/good food/vet and cut corners elsewhere. Nobody needs a stinkin' $600 bridle. People always admire my 17-year-old $700 saddle so I'm good with it. :) I just got new boots on clearance because Tredstep came out with "improved" ones. And absolutely NOBODY should buy those hideous over-priced stirrups - hopefully the only people using them are brand reps who get 'em for free!

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