Why Do I Love Horses So Much?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to write about. And what this blog should be now.

Runkle was an excellent catalyst for a blog.

He was always doing something. Our relationship together was chaotic. He made me cry more times than I'd care to admit. He made me feel worry, love, hate, excitement, fear. One day in our partnership could run the gamut of emotions from proud to scared. A few months felt like lifetimes. We went through so much and a lot of it was a struggle. It made the successes feel sharper and more pronounced.

I stopped thinking about the future. Even as I brought him back into work after Splintzilla I couldn't think past a few weeks. Talking about goals I used words like 'maybe' and 'hope'. The more that went wrong the more I shut down my future goals to save myself from the sting of disappointment that I'd never get there. I only proved myself right when we didn't.

My relationship with Runkle is reminiscent to me of a first love. It's heady and larger than life. The feelings are more acute and explosive than anything I had felt before. It's not a love that's built on itself though, but one that gallops in advance of fear. It's a fuse burning up, sparking faster as the line gets shorter.

To try and find a reason and a direction, I'm asking myself why.

My girlfriend asked me why I loved horses so much. I sat there dumbly with no answer because when you've been horse crazy as long as I have (as long as we have, if you're reading this) then it becomes hard to answer. At some point the answer just becomes"what life without horses? That's hardly a life at all". And throughout history there are quotes from all over the world about man's innate love for the horse, so much so that eventually the collective gave up trying to piece out why and just called them a gift from god.

So why do I love them so much? What keeps me coming back, day after day, year after year, heartbreak after heartbreak?

There's no one answer. Because I love how they smell. I love being outside. I love watching them play when it's storming. They're so cute when they drink water and their ears twitch every time they swallow. They're beautiful and elegant. They're silly and huge but somehow still gentle. I love when they're happy, and when they think you have food. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and are always honest with you. They're powerful yet fragile, brave even when they're scared.

I can fly on them. When I'm on the back of a horse nothing about the past or future exists. It's one of the few times I feel completely present. I am free.

Maybe that is the addiction, obsession, and love for horses. It's a love for freedom in a world that has so many chains that we gladly assume, and so much weight attached to them that we must carry. But every day I get to set them down, even if only temporarily, and be free.


  1. There's nowhere I would rather be than in the moment with a horse, flying. you've written it so perfectly <3

  2. This ^^^

    It's a kind of love that you can't possibly put into words fully. You did a pretty great job at it though. Love these creatures even when loving them seems like it's going to break me.

  3. Don't mind me, there's just something in my eye... *sniff sniff*

  4. wow - well said. The last 3 paras totally cover it.

  5. <3 I absolutely know what you mean and you describe it so well. I felt that way about Carlos, he was a larger than life horse and no one can fill his shoes.


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